I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was like eating out sand paper
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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