I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
