Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
