sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
