He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
be right there i have to get my cape
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
