that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
