just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
