I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
