Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
