Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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