Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
