Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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