My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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