I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
