tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
