i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
