I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
