I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
