I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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