I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
