i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
