I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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