Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
