I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
