I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
