Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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