I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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