Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
