It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
