I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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