I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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