I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
