It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
