Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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