Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
