Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
