If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
