I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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