No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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