Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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