I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
