Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
