she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
