I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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