We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
