are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
