Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
