Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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