He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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