We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
