Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So vagazzling was a success
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
