so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
