so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
