I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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